I feel meh.

Day 11

No weigh in today.  Only posting weight on Mondays now.

Measurements:
Chest: 43
Arms: 18 1/2
Waist: 48
Hips: 55
Thighs: 33 1/2
Calf: 20 1/2

I'll be updating the measurements on Friday mornings from now on and weigh in's will be on Monday mornings.  

I'm really hoping that tracking my measurements will do more to help track my progress.  If I went by weight alone I'd be very depressed with the results.  I'll admit I had a couple more splurges than I should have had but I've been very strict about my exercise.  I missed Thursday due to being sick but I went today instead.  I feel fantastic again!  I felt so cruddy and gross without working out.  

I'm so tired of this body.  I'm so tired of the mind I have the brain God gave me.  I'm angry that this is the body I was born with.  From the beginning of my time I feel I was doomed to struggle.  I am diagnosed hypothyroidism, bipolar, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, bad knees, blood clot/deep vein thrombosis at the age of 25, and a mess of other diseases that run in my family.  I know I can't change the past and the best I can do is work towards making a better future for myself.  Keep exercising, losing weight, and hope I can make things better from now on.

I'm at a point in my life where I need to lose 130 lbs.  How did I get here?  How did I convince myself that I'd start a diet next Monday and gain 10 more lbs instead?  How did I imagine I'd be skinny just by dieting a week or two at a time?  This body I'm in, well I'm here because I made it.  Now I have to dig myself back out of this hole one pound at a time.

Sigh.  Sorry for the depressing entry.  It's just been a hard time lately.  I think something is not quite right with my medication.