Good feelings

Day 6  (295.2)

Motivating Song of the Day: Phillip Phillips "Home"

There that's better.  All I had to do was drink a lot of water and the water weight comes off in time.  I have to be careful with my salt intake because it will quickly remind me how sad it is to look at the scale and see all that water weight.  

Exercise today was pretty much the same.  I walked for 30 minutes and did the exercise bike for 20 minutes.  I sweated a LOT!  It makes me feel clean and good about myself though to sweat that much.  I was listening to my motivating song of the day and it really felt like I was walking around in a movie about myself and this was the theme song to my moment.  

"Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m gonna make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home"

If that isn't the anthem to my gym experience than I don't know what is!

As for food today I did pretty well but I realized something about my relationship with food.  When it comes to healthy stuff my brain is like "Hmm... we're full that's okay"  or "we can wait a little bit longer before needing to eat again" but once I start eating something that's somewhat delicious but bad my brain just shuts off.  No full signals, no self control, no nothing.  It's just like something inside just gives up and I become a mindless eating machine.  Even after I've stuffed myself I don't really feel full.  I have to work on that.  I have to because if I could get that fixed I swear I could lose weight so much faster. 

I was going through some old clothes last night and it was sort of an emotional trip for me.  Some of the clothes I have in my closet are clothes I've had since high school.  Some of them still fit and some of them don't but everyone of them holds some sort of memory.  A memory to my past.  Sometimes it was good and sometimes it was bad.  I was a different person back then.  Some of the clothes I decided to give away were because I decided the old me was gone and the clothes she wore need to leave with her.  Some of the clothes I gave way were because they would never fit.  I've never worn or enjoyed them because of being too small and instead of holding on to a ridiculous amount of clothing that doesn't fit I swore to myself I'd start saving up for new clothes when I get skinny.  Finally, the clothes I held on to that were still too small were trophies.  Trophies I'll wear someday when I've lost weight.  They're cute, a reasonable side, and clothes I've wanted to wear forever.  Someday when I put on those clothes and they fit I will celebrate being a New Jessie in her new lovely clothes and maybe then I'll realize I'm as worthy as everyone tells me I am.


Monday I'm gonna get extremely personal and start tracking my measurements biweekly.  To end on a positive note here's an euphoric exercised Jessie