Hurray!

Day late weigh in: 295


Honestly I'm not that bummed out by the gain.  Friday I had Olive Garden for Valentine's Day, I had texas roadhouse with my dad on Saturday, and Sunday I had pizza for game night with my friends.  If I hadn't gained weight I would be worried.  But it's fixable.  Especially since I finished my first day of P90 yesterday (not p90x the one before it) then did cardio for a hour at the gym that night.  Today I did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine and abs on the mat.  I need to start timing my planks because I think I did pretty good today.  My legs are all wobbly and sore but it's good.  They're not even that sore.  They're not like I can't sit down sore it's just more like "oh hey I worked out that muscle today didn't I?" sore.  I don't know if it's just because I'm feeling extremely optimistic but I'm starting to notice my lower stomach ponch is starting to slim down a bit.  

So food.  Let's talk about food for a moment.  I'm trying super hard to go back to gluten free especially after this weekend but I noticed not every gluten I eat does the same thing to me.  Sometimes it doesn't do anything at all.  I know gluten in general isn't that good for you and it can do damage to your body even if you're not sensitive to it.  Right now I'm kinda 75/25 on being gluten free because sometimes it just feels impossible.  It's not a craving or a want it's just like I'm starving and there's a yummy sandwich at the cafe I can eat.  I don't know what to do.  I feel like I'm at a medical stand still.  I can't see any other doctor's or I'll get dropped from Heartland but I mean come on!  I went to Heartland complaining about my arm hurting and they said I had sleep apnea..  Then it turns out it was the blood clot I had that was making my arm hurt.  I don't exactly have the most utmost faith in them.  I just wish I could afford to do a head to toe exam.  Get everything checked out.  Anyways.... Food!  I'm thinking about joining weight watchers again but really I just want to buy the little kit and do it myself.  I have people to hold me accountable I just want a different way of counting calories then actual calories.  I feel so upset when I eat a handful of grapes and watch 100+ calories leave my tracker.  I'd rather feel good about myself for making healthy choices.  I'm also afraid of under eating if I go about my business as usual.  With the new medication I'm on I don't have that overwhelming feeling to eat all the time and sometimes I just forget and don't do it for a while.  It'll get better I know but I just wish I had a better grasp on everything and could see more results faster.  Don't we all though. 

I'm talking here and now

Day 29!

Motivating song of the day!:  Let's go by calvin harris and ne-yo

"Let’s go!
Make no excuses now
I’m talking here and now
I’m talking here and now

Let’s go!
Your time is running out
I’m talking here and now
I’m talking here and now "

It's almost a full month since I looked in the mirror and decided I had to make a change.  Sure I've had this realization many times before and it always starts off pretty easy the first week or so but I think this is the longest I've ever actually stuck to something and seen results.  It's been a year since I started taking Seroquel and in that year's time I gained 50 pounds at least.  I worked out, I tried weight watchers, I ate less, I did everything I was supposed to with no results.  For the first time in what seems like forever I can actually see something come from my hard work. 

So I go to the gym today and I had taken my adderall but I forgot my wellbutrin.  Turns out I'm a grumpy gym goer if I don't take both.  I was feeling awake, energized, and ready to go but I couldn't help but snarl and growl in my head at a few people.  First there was the guy who kept almost running into me when he jogged past.  I was practically walking against the wall so there was 2 other lanes next to me and he kept brushing past me and I'm like No!  My personal space!  Mine!  I swore if he actually knocked me over I was going to trip him.  Then I walked past the thigh weight machines I wanted to use and there was this really big girl on them with the most awful tattoo covering her leg and she wasn't even using it. She was just sitting there and talking to her friend next to her!  Angry face.  Then I decided I don't like people who read like entire textbooks while walking around the track.  They should get on the treadmill if they're going to read.  I'm making angry faces as I'm typing this.  

Turns out I should take both medications before going to ensure an alert and calming experience xD  To be honest though a small part of my rage motivates me.  Like if I'm going to do something to someone.... I wanna be able to run away XD  or at least be strong enough to stand up for myself.  luhlz.  I have puny little girl arms.  Someday I'll be as tough as the thoughts in my head.  

Booyeah!

Day 28!

Weigh in!  *drum roll*  292.4lbs! 

Measurements:

Chest: 41.5  (-1.5)
Arms:  18  (-.5)
Waist: 46  (-2)
Hips: 53  (-2)
Thighs: 33  (-.5)
Calf: 19.5 (-1)

WOOHOO!  I'm so excited.  It's like for the first time ever I can see results in numbers and measurements.  I have been working out for almost a month now and hadn't seen anything and now that I've switched medications I'm finally seeing the results I deserve.  I feel more confident already and I'm super encouraged to keep it up.  I'm floating on cloud nine right now!

Last night I went to the gym again after taking a week off.  My body is an unforgiving master.  It was like I had never worked out in my life.  My legs were too sore to run. I was dying while lifting weights and my legs were on fire the whole time I was on the exercise bike.  I managed to push through and get it done though so I'm proud of myself for that.  I did squats and lunges too and today my legs are killing me.  I like the pain though it reminds me I did a good job yesterday. 

Here's to a good week ahead of me!  

Good Morning!

Day 26 
Weigh in: (because I'm too excited to wait until Monday) 294.2!!

Also watching Legally Blonde which motivates me to workout xD


I'm so sorry for the lack of updates!  I haven't completely given up on this weight loss effort.  Things got tough after my last update.  I ran out of my medication and since I wasn't able to get refills for 5 days I figured now would be a good time to start getting off of them since I'd have to someday anyways if I ever became pregnant.  Well apparently Seroquel is a hell of a drug to get off of.  The withdrawal symptoms were awful.  I didn't sleep for a week unless heavily put under something to help.  I'd lay in bed and just cry for hours.  Losing weight was the least of my concerns.  How could I think about working out when I'd lay in bed and hear voices screaming in my head for hours, pushing me to my very last point of sanity..

But! The good news now though is I'm on new medications and using Zzzquil to help sleep at night.  Since I'm getting sleep again and taking medication that helps with focus and energy I've been losing weight at an amazing pace!  I've already lost 4 pounds this week.  My appetite is down and I'm not ravishingly hungry all the time.  I had Chinese food last night.  I only had one glass of soda and only ate half of my entree.  I finally feel like I'm on the right track.  When I talked to my doctor about how tired the Seroquel made me she mentioned people on it have to be very very active and it can cause weight gain which explains why I gained 50 pounds since I've been on it.  Maybe tomorrow I'll post up a before picture so later I can look back at it and remember where I'll never be again.  :D  

Today I need to start doing my P90 workouts again.  I'm so excited to be awake and have energy to do stuff I'm almost overwhelmed by it.  I could do dishes, clean, read books, write stories, draw, knit, workout, play video games! I want to do it all at once!  Aaahhh!!